Growth

I'm sitting in this gated paradise with a tulip on the table. The smell of sweet apple trees and pine needles that scatter like sand amongst the gravely yard. In the distance you hear rubber on road as vehicles travel their own journeys.  For me I am smiling once more enjoy this beauty. Content as the weight lifts off my heart. My mind sees not shadows but figures of those reaching out helping me succeed. I made it. I accomplished the first part of my journey the clouds have lifted the stars are in clear view.  This is one I must cherish for many battles still lay ahead. For now I stay focused on the present family truly knows best. 

The internal battle

Everyday is a battle inside.  My eyes look out into this world and see all the beauty that has been placed in front of me. Im smiling the trees are beautiful the grass is green and the sky has not one cloud. Yet inside im at war.  At war with emotions that i cannot control.  A river of tears that keeps flowing.  My smiles hide the reality that even with all of this beauty there is still something missing. Pushing and pulling every button on my heart im fighting tooth and nail to keep that smile going no matter what happens.  Yet that happiness fades just as quickly as it came. A rush of anger and love thats seeping through every pore hoping to get noticed. Working hard i can only keep my soul clear til i get that second to stop and then it all rushes back like warriors laying in wait ready to jump out after the storm. As much as ive circled my mind looking for answers there's just somethings that cant be explained. Each one i watch come and go as quickly as the last. I blink and something happened like damn not again.  Back to work where those thoughts will disappear once more. An infinite battle. Yet that smile still stays strong. Just look closely for my eyes tell the story, my lips only hide reality.

Free Falling

Feeling the weight lift beneath you. Your body becomes free. Mind becomes blank and instantly every breath is easier to take. Your view is of the blue sky and white blotches of clouds dotted like a painting. Everything around you is collapsing.  The very things you gave your sweat blood and tears for. At that instant when you blink your eyes and poof it all disappeared. A sudden wave comes over your body. Your falling. The dollars in your pocket dwindle and your left looking at the sky wondering what will hit you next. Its at that point you reach out and save yourself from hitting bottom. Still salvaging what you can. Just stop free falling before you wake up and life has come and gone.